robzombies-hotwife:

Some people’s brain rot is so deep that they seriously paint racist, homophobic, etc. right-wing women as helpless victims of their bigoted fathers and husbands. The Trump family women are genuinely evil on their own. Ben Shapiro’s wife is a racist pig in the medical profession. Margaret Thatcher was horrible. The female members of the KKK and other white supremacist terror groups are choosing to be white supremacists.

(via alicegotthestrap)

peniswakt-deactivated20210717:

i think “i was doing a bit” is an extremely valid courtroom defense

(via stormpoelot)

daisyette:

fuck it. thats YOU in the corner. thats YOU in the spotlight. losing YOUR religion. how does it feel now.

(via thepastramicheesemonster)

mannagryn1:

trashboat:

wow i hate your fucking shoelaces

thanks, i’m using them to strangle the president

(via thepastramicheesemonster)

popokko:

popokko:

i think i will become a creature.

*scuttles*

(via piggywidgeon)

marshmallowsweetheart:

matthew grey gubler’s tweet about having one foot in the darkness and the other in a hello kitty roller skate is way funnier when you realize he was doing criminal minds at the same time he was voicing simon from alvin and the chipmunks

(via the-name-is-rizzotherat)

justareallyboredfangirl:

malglories:

wish i could go back to eden and give eve a vibrator

what hozier song is this

(via the-name-is-rizzotherat)

a-fragile-sort-of-anarchy:

whoamiamneko:

a-fragile-sort-of-anarchy:

whoamiamneko:

a-fragile-sort-of-anarchy:

I’m going to save up for a new motorcycle by running a scam where I bet straight dudes at bars twenty bucks that I can get a girl’s number in under five minutes and then politely walk up her and say, “I just bet that asshole twenty bucks that I could get your number. I’ll split it with you if you pretend to laugh like I just said a good pick up line and then write a fake number on my hand.”

Like, I never understood those kind of bets in those shitty teen movies. Everybody loves being part of a scheme, man. Use your head.

If anyone ever does this to me I’ll call them out on being a con artist.

Joke’s on you, buddy. That’ll only have consequences the first, what, couple dozen times? I can take a punch.

But then eventually, I’ll have money for the bike, and whenever I get called out, I’ll just speed off, and, sure, maybe I crash and die in a gutter and the police can’t figure out why I have hundreds of fake phone numbers stuffed in my jacket and it launches a huge investigation that becomes sort of a local legend, but you know whose problem that is? Not fucking mine.

Because I’m a slutty motorcycle ghost, and who’s gonna’ stop me then? The ghost cops? Nice try. Everybody knows cops can’t become ghosts because they just go straight to hell. It’s basic math.

Moral of the story, don’t be a con artist or you will die in a horrible accident and become a lonely ghost.

First of all, don’t you ever accuse me of having morals, narrative or otherwise, ever again.

And second, where did I say I’d be lonely? I’d be a ghost on a motorcycle. That’s the sexiest thing that there is. You look me in the eyes and tell me you wouldn’t bone Ghostrider. Look me in the goddamn eyes.

(via stormpoelot)

weevildead:

i eat 15 apples for breakfast then drive myself to the hospital just to watch the doctors get blasted backward into the drywall bc they cant withstand my aura

(via stormpoelot)